Dream Note: Stupid Kids!

March 13th, 2007  |  Published in etc

Last night I had a dream:

I was eight years old again, but inside I was still 38, just like in all the “parent/kid swap bodies” movies. It was not, however, an opportunity to mug and act all crazy. It took me a while to realize what had happened, and then I was stuck wandering the halls of a school.

I stumbled into the cafeteria, relieved to find it was lunchtime. I tried to sit at a table full of precocious children and they all yelled “Go away, newbie! You don’t belong!”

So I climbed up on the table and lectured the school about how I’d been hoping that maybe in the 30 years that had elapsed since I was eight years old, kids would have worked out how to not be assholes to each other, but that I was crazy to think anything would change.

“Bad news, people. You are All. Still. Fucked. Up!”

They ignored me. I went to math class and knew all the answers, then I got in trouble for saying “fuck.”

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