Enough, finally.

June 7th, 2006  |  Published in etc

Penny Arcade! – Whoopsie Daisy:

> I’d heard, as I think everyone did, that the original – by which I mean the original original – Star Wars trilogy was coming to DVD. What I had not heard, and what Gabriel intimated to me with his eyes wide was that these would not be from the scrubbed, manicured footage they used to make the re-imaginings, they would, in fact, be anamorphic rips from old laserdiscs. What’s more, they can’t even be purchased separately. They can only be purchased with the newer versions, together, for ninety dollars! Ha!

Yeah.

Know what, George?

Think I’m gonna pass.

The whole “OMG!1! The original, Han-shoots-first version!” has been likened to the New Coke/Coke Classic pseudo-fiasco.

I think it’s more like if Coke had introduced New Coke, waited around for a few months, then offered you “Coke Classic: Great Classic Taste, Now with the Urine of Our Marketing Team Mixed In!”

The prequels eradicated my good will toward the Star Wars brand. In fact, they managed to replace what I think of as my “Star Wars 1.0” conception of the franchise with “Star Wars 2.0,” which isn’t much more than a shitty beta we’re supposed to pay for again and again as the marketing team stands around a barrel of Coke and shakes the dew off the lily with a cynical grunt. You could even say it’s the version that finally made Star Wars a brand to me, instead of a story.

Had the prequels managed to deliver on some real level, it’d be easier to endure the grunting and peeing. As it is, though, you can’t even argue that the Lucasfilm empire is some necessary evil we have to endure to preserve or enjoy a well-loved story and world … it’s just a big corporation confident of its capacity to treat us all like marks.

In a year or two, after all the ginned up “fan outrage” over this crappy, poor transfer of the original movies has had time to manifest in the form of pathetic internet petitions and whatever, and the fanbase has had time to save its pennies, I’m sure Lucasfilm will lift its leg and squeeze out a “Super-Totally-Rilly Original Series.”

Fuck them.

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